Navel Lint

swag
We’ve decided not to put up the tree this year. So instead, I have decorated this Navel Lint with jolly clip art which is a damn sight easier than piecing the spruce together. It also doesn’t involve the dread of spiders in the basement. Those mothers are the size of wolverines.

Class clown I was in Atlanta last week visiting my friend Mindy who is a first grade teacher. She made me I wanted to go read to her class. I can’t show you the 22 little faces beaming up at me, but I loved every minute of it. Imagine my surprise! Mindy was teaching them verbs vs nouns and words that can be either one. Doesn’t that strike you as advanced for first graders? Such a pleasure to be in a classroom with children who want to learn. Such a sorrow that the building has to be locked to keep the world outside.

In the next three weeks, I’m hoping to make eleven jillion dollars on book sales. I’ll settle for breaking even. Lessons of Evil is on sale for .99 starting today and Fun House Chronicles takes its turn the day after Christmas. I received a wonderful review today on A Time of Secrets which helps make up for the slap in the face I received on Bear in Mind.

Some of the house gutters have been clogged so a guy spent the afternoon de-mossing them. Now the water will run off in an acceptable manner. And the roof is clear for the occasional reindeer who might stop by with presents. It could happen.

Posted in A Time of Secrets, Bear in Mind, Fun House Chronicles, General Stuff, holidays, indy publishing | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Newsletter Redux 3

wreath
THE HOLIDAY IN FOREIGN LANDS
People stand in the snow and sing, then come indoors to stuff candy into their socks. Families go to department stores to force little children to sit on old men’s laps. Women tape their personal mail to the inside of their doors. A man in costume parks reindeers on the roof, parents tell fantastic lies to their kiddies, and diners pass their giblets around the table. Some revelers even GIVE MONEY TO THE LESS FORTUNATE. Imagine that!

MORE FROM THE HOLIDAY ADVISOR

Q: I’m interviewing for a copywriter job next week. How will the creative director expect me to be dressed?
A: WITH A CORN COB PIPE AND A BUTTON NOSE AND TWO EYES MADE OUT OF COAL

Q: What advice do you have for an account guy in charge of new business?
A: THE HOPES AND FEARS OF ALL THE YEARS ARE MET IN THEE TONIGHT.

Q: Is there any reason I couldn’t dust off an old marketing plan and sneak it by the client?
A: HE SEES YOU WHEN YOU’RE SLEEPING. HE KNOWS WHEN YOU’RE AWAKE. HE KNOWS IF YOU’VE BEEN BAD OR GOOD SO BE GOOD FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

HOW TO MAKE A HOLIDAY NIGHTCAP:

Get one 12-ounce can of whole, unsalted pum-pum-pums. Drain and quarter. Add light rum. Add dark rum. Serves eight per pum.

Posted in General Stuff, holidays | Tagged , | 1 Comment
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