I would be half the woman I am today without potatoes. In addition to giving one a profile any Sumo would envy, potatoes spike blood sugar, raise bad triglycerides, lower good cholesterol, boost risk of heart attack, promote binge eating.
Nonetheless, a world without potatoes is unthinkable. The Irish wouldn’t have done all that whining about a famine. Idaho would be even more useless than it is now. The game would be Mr. Cabbage Head. You’d be a Couch Rutabaga. “You Say Potato” would never have been written. Van Gogh would have painted The Radish Eaters. The English would have nothing to serve with fish. The potato bug would die out.
It’s true that I would weigh less without potatoes on my plate, but I’m happier this way. It’s impossible to face life without them. So please pass the butter, sour cream, salt, cheese and bacon bits. We’re having spuds tonight!
If a cruise is working as it should, around about Day Five your brain has made so few decisions that it ceases to function altogether. This leads to conversations such as this overheard early one morning on the Lido Deck:
She: Look. It’s getting light out.
He: Let’s go see if it’s getting light on the other side of the ship, too.
Unfortunately, the cruise industry is now beleaguered with illness aboard. By the end of each day, you feel soggy from all the chemical sanitizer they spray around trying to deflect the Noro virus. It won’t be long before cruise wear will be clean suits in Day Glo colors for daytime apparel and ruffled black for formalwear.
Since your cabin steward is now sanitizing THIRTY CABINS each day, he has little time for niceties. So those cute little towel animals you used to get … the elephants and puppies and monkeys? Get over it. They now look like amorphous sea life thrown together on the run. Here’s the evidence: